Deep Relationships are Priceless

There is a unique aspect of failure that is often overlooked but consistently underscored by great speakers and leaders.  Although unlikely and unexpected, your failures and shortcomings are in fact bridges that enable you to connect with the people around you.

Relationships are complex but essentially based on simple connection strands of shared interests, experiences, goals, and values which provide common ground for developing rapport and ultimately cementing a relationship.  Each strand of connection may be threadlike, however when hundreds of these strands are joined they can become seemingly unbreakable.

In 2002, Dr. Edward Diener –nicknamed Dr. Happiness –conducted a study at the University of Illinois with Martin Seligman.  They found that the students with the highest levels of happiness and the fewest signs of depression were those with the strongest ties to friends and family and deepest commitment to spending time with them.  Deep relationships are the greatest measure of happiness and your greatest asset whether you recognize it or not.  Conversely, how connected you feel with the people around you will determine your level of happiness.

When we communicate only our successes to the people around us it can be off-putting and arrogant.  We may be perceived as distant, unfeeling, and difficult to connect with.  However, when we are candid about our fears, failures, and feelings of inadequacies we indirectly give others permission to do the same.

The fact is, the failure of anything contains a huge amount of valuable information.  “The biggest misperception people have about failure is that it is all bad,” said Henry Petroski, a professor of engineering and history at Duke University who researches the role that failure plays in design. “But from an engineer’s point of view,” he said, “a failure can contain all sorts of helpful information.  It reveals weaknesses, helps make things stronger and offers lessons in humility.”

The Value of Your Failure is the Price of Authenticity

We all intensely fear being criticized, rejected, and ostracized so when we courageously expose our weaknesses and insecurities people are drawn to us.  Like self-depreciating humor there is an attractive and magnetic quality about us when we are willing to be vulnerable.  Our authenticity is revealed in our imperfections which make us alluring and intriguing.

If you are willing to embrace pain and learn from your failures you will not only discover new ways to succeed but you will create stronger and more powerful connections with the people you engage with.   Whether it is simply a brief conversation with a stranger, a familiar business colleague or lifelong companion, sharing your vulnerabilities with others will enable you to connect more deeply and experience greater measures of happiness in your life.

San Francisco Bridge – Photo credit: davidyuweb via photopin cc